This is The Stuff

This song was stuck in my head all day at work today, and I feel like God was using it to speak to me. Here are the words, then I'll explain...

"This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use"

The song is called "This is The Stuff" by Francesca Battistelli, and it really spoke to me today. I had a bit of a crazy day at work. There was a member that got upset with one of my coworkers and decided it would be a good idea to yell about it in front of everyone at Costco. He said something really nasty to my coworker, who was doing nothing wrong. It made me sick to my stomach that someone would say something like that. To make a long story short, the man ended up refunding all his stuff and leaving the store, and I had to put all of his items back. The whole time, I was singing that part of "This is The Stuff". I thought, "This is the stuff that gets under my skin." But I just had to brush it off and get on with the day. Then later I was asked to close the deli department, which is my least favorite department in the entire warehouse. I just really hate it there...for many reasons. Anyway, the person that was supposed to close the deli called off work, so they sent me back there to clean up since I had experience in the department. As annoyed as I was that they asked me to clean back there, I just had to suck it up and do it. Most of the work was done, anyway, so there wasn't a whole lot to do. But that song started going through my head...I thought "This is the stuff that drives me crazy." But I think God was using that song to test me and see if I would let it get to me. Like that line says, "I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing." And that lines right up with what the Lord has been teaching me lately about trust. I just have to realize that when I have crazy days at work, God is trying to teach me something. I may not always realize it right then, but I think it's more beneficial to reflect on it afterwards anyway.

Thank You, Lord, for getting me through the day and being my hope. I do trust that You know exactly what You're doing. Help me not to get wrapped up in the small things that don't matter. Help me to get wrapped up only in Your love and mercy.

More Than Hungry

Psalm 63:
O God, you are my God-- for you I long!
For you my body yearns; for you my soul thirsts,
Like a land parched, lifeless, and without water.
So I look to you in the sanctuary to see your power and glory.
For your love is better than life; my lips offer you worship!

JJ Heller's song "Fly Away"
Stars call me closer
The earth is dragging me down
I want to be more than hungry
I want to live somewhere other than this old gray town

A.W. Tozer's prayer:
O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee;
I long to be filled with longing;
I thirst to be made more thirsty still.
Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, that so I may know Thee indeed.

Lina and I have noticed lately that these three all have something in common. They all talk about being filled with God. Not just being filled with Him though, but letting Him fill us. They talk about wanting Him to satisfy our hunger and thirst. And then they talk about what will happen when we do let Him fill us. We will see His power and glory!

Lord, let these words be the prayer of my heart tonight. Help me to know what it is like to truly hunger and thirst for you. Amen.

My Most Handsome Prince

Lina and I had dinner at Patti's house tonight, and it was wonderful. If you aren't a usual reader of my blog, Patti is basically a second mother to me. She has been cooking delicious dinners for Lina and me for the past four years. :) Anyway, we had dinner tonight with her and her husband and topped it all off with some guitar playing and singing. Lina and I like to sing for our supper. :) We played a couple of our "classics", and then played a combination of "Dance With Me" by Paul Wilbur and "He Loves Us" by John Mark McMillan. They are both really beautiful songs and the choruses are pretty darn similar. We weaved them together pretty nicely and sang them for Patti and Ralph tonight. We had a wonderful conversation afterwards too. I'll let you in on that a little bit...

One of my favorite parts of "Dance With Me" is the part that says, "With You I will go. You are my love, You are my fair one." It reminds me of the last part of that prayer I posted the other day by A.W. Tozer (see http://beauty-all-around-me.blogspot.com/2011/03/give-me-grace.html). I just love it and I really feel like that's what God is putting on my heart lately. He wants me to just let go of everything and rest in Him. He wants to take me away from everything that only temporarily satisfies and give me what will satisfy my heart and soul forever. What do I say to that? "Anytime, Lord. Anytime." I also love "Dance With Me" because of the image I get when I hear the song:

Closing my eyes, I picture being in a large, beautiful ballroom. I picture Jesus, my most handsome prince, approaching me, extending His hand, and asking, "May I have this dance?" I happily agree, take His hand, and begin to dance with Him. He is the best, most graceful man I have ever danced with. He sweeps me off my feet and spins me around on the dance floor. He keeps in perfect time to the music, and He never steps on my feet. He twirls me around and around and I never get dizzy. I simply smile and my heart is filled with joy.

I hope you can imagine what that might be like. Because Jesus wants to do the same for you. He wants to dance with you too! Will you let Him? Guys reading this...I know you may not be able to picture being swept off your feet and twirled around on a dance floor, but just imagine being totally captivated by the One who loves you more than you could ever imagine. Imagine being in total bliss as you gaze into the eyes of the One who has the most beautiful plan for your life. You with me now?

As for "He Loves Us"...well, that's a beautiful song as well. I'm struck quite a bit by the first line "He is jealous for me." God really is jealous for us. Each and every one of us. Even the dirtiest, most sinful of us. He is jealous for us, especially for our time. I am convicted by this when I think about all the time I spend on Facebook...all the time I spend doing things that just do not glorify God. He wants all of me! Not just part of me. Not just 5 minutes before I go to bed. He wants to be involved in everything I do. Everything I speak. Everything I think. Everywhere I go. Whoa. Now THAT'S jealousy. But it's a good kind of jealousy...because think about who it is that we're talking about. It's God! The One who made us! The One who has a plan for our lives! The One who forgives us no matter what we do. The One knows all, sees all, and can do all. I don't know about you, but I certainly want to start letting such a significant person have a little bit more of my time each day.

Lord, help me to prioritize my time in a way that honors You. "Give me the grace to rise up and follow You." I ask that you be in my thoughts, my words, and my deeds. Give purpose to everything that I do, and convict me when I go astray. Amen.

Patience and Trust

I've been sitting here for fifteen minutes trying to put into words what God has been doing in my life lately. It's one thing to experience it, but a whole separate thing to really articulate it. I'll give it my best...

God has been teaching me a lot about patience and trust lately. Over and over again He's telling me "Just be patient. It'll all work out according to my perfect timing and my perfect plan." When I say, "But...I just can't wait" or "When, God?" He simply replies, "Trust me." So there I have it...patience and trust. As most of you know, I will be leaving the country at the end of August of this year for a GAP Year (year-long mission trip). I am very excited about what God has in store for me, but I don't know where I'm going yet. That's where the "When, God? When??" comes in. I just want to know! Instead of patiently waiting for an email back from the GAP Program coordinator and praying about the situation, I've been feeling a lot of anxiety. "What if I don't have enough time to raise all the money I need for the trip?" is a pretty frequent question in my mind lately. That goes right back to trust. Am I not trusting that God will provide the money I need no matter how much time I have to raise it? *Guilty* I know that God works in wonderful and powerful ways. I have seen it myself, both in my life and in others'. But why do I have such a hard time applying it to this situation? Am I too much of a planning person? I do like to have things organized, and I'm not much of a spontaneous person...so maybe that's what it is.

Lord, help me to be patient and trust in You that everything with my GAP Year is going to work out. I know that wherever they send me I will be doing Your work and glorifying You alone. Help me to understand that sometimes it's okay to not know. It tests our patience and reliance on You...which produces endurance. Grant me a peaceful sleep tonight and a good rest of the week. Amen.

Just Like Matthew

I just started reading a book by Max Lucado yesterday called Next Door Savior: Near Enough to Touch. Strong Enough to Trust. I have only read one book by Lucado before, and it was a children's book. So I kind of got a feel for his writing, but not really. One of the chapters I read in this book, though, was about Matthew. Lucado kind of "modernizes" Matthew...talking about his personality in a way that would make sense in this day and age. For example, Lucado writes, "You can bet he was shunned. The neighborhood cookouts? Never invited. High-school reunions? Somehow his name was left off the list. The guy was avoided like streptococcus A. Everybody kept his distance from Matthew" (21). So there probably weren't cookouts or high-school reunions back in Matthew's day. But you get the idea. Anyway, Lucado goes on to say that we are just like Matthew. He says, "There's enough hustler in the best of us to qualify for Matthew's table. Maybe you've never taken taxes, but you've taken liberty with the truth, taken credit that wasn't yours, taken advantage of the weak. You and me? Matthew" (24). The story Lucado writes about Matthew explains what kind of person he is and why Jesus chooses to eat with him (Jesus ate with both sinners and saints). He also explains what it means to follow Christ. It doesn't mean we have to be weird. It doesn't mean we have to stop hanging out with certain friends. Lucado says, "A few introductions would be nice" (24). This is kind of convicting to me. I think a lot of times, if I'm feeling iffy about a certain friendship...if I feel that it is not helping me grow in my relationship with the Lord, I often try to dismiss it. I don't talk to or hang out with that person as much, maybe. But Lucado is telling us that following Christ means the exact opposite of that! We are supposed to introduce that person to Christ! Hmm...that's a lot harder, eh? I think that's why I seem to always take "the easy way out" and just avoid certain relationships. But I know that God created us all...and that He loves us all...sinners and saints.

Lord, please help me to love all of Your children...sinners and saints. Help me to remain humble as I maintain friendships with those around me and as I make new friendships. Open my eyes to Your way of seeing, open my mind to Your way of thinking, and open my heart to Your way of loving.

Give Me the Grace

This is a prayer extracted from a wonderful book called The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer. It is on my mind tonight as my eyes are getting tired, my neck hurts from writing my paper for so long, and my heart feels a bit distant from Christ. I hope you, too, find rest in it.

"O God, I have tasted Thy goodness
and it has both satisfied me
and made me thirsty for more.
I am painfully conscious
of my need for further grace.
I am ashamed of my lack of desire.
O God, the triune God,
I want to want Thee.
I long to be filled with longing.
I thirst to be made more thirsty still.
Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee,
so that I may know Thee indeed.
Begin in mercy a new work of love within me.
*This is my favorite part*
Say to my soul,
"Rise up, my love, my fair one,
and come away."
Then give me the grace to rise
and follow Thee up from the misty lowland
where I have wandered so long."

Come, Sing, Fall, Cry, Dance, Fly

Well, I could go on and on about what a not-so-wonderful day I had today. I could talk about how much my brothers get on my nerves and drive me insane, and I could talk about how crazy work was today. But I don't want to do that. I'd rather say nothing about all of that than say something negative.

Lord, please strengthen my relationships with my brothers. Show me how to love them as You love them. Open my eyes to see each of them in a new light. Help me also to have a good week this week. I'll need Your strength to get through it, that's for sure. Help me to stay focused and keep my eyes fixed on You.

As I was feeling super unmotivated here, a song (Untitled Hymn (Come to Jesus) - Chris Rice) came on Pandora that seemed to speak to me a bit. I had heard the song before, but this time I laid my head down, closed my eyes, and just listened.

"Weak and wounded sinner
Lost and left to die
O, raise your head, for love is passing by
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus and live

Now your burden's lifted
And carried far away
And precious blood has washed away the stain, so
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus and live

And like a newborn baby
Don't be afraid to crawl
And remember when you walk
Sometimes we fall...so
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus and live

Sometimes the way is lonely
And steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus and live

O, and when the love spills over
And music fills the night
And when you can't contain your joy inside, then
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus and live

And with your final heartbeat
Kiss the world goodbye
Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory's side, and
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus and live"