A Battle

I went to a talk at my church tonight about the Catholic mass. It wasn't quite what I was expecting...I think I expected more of an explanation as to why we do certain things and why we pray certain prayers. So much of the Catholic mass is routine-y, and I often go to mass and go through the motions (sit, stand, kneel, pray, repeat) without really thinking about it. I know that's definitely not the point of mass. My priest said, "The more we engage in full, active, conscious participation, the more our hearts will be open to everything the Lord has for us." I know I am guilty of not engaging in that full, active, conscious participation in mass sometimes. It's so easy to do! But just thinking about how much more God will be glorified if I give Him my full attention at mass makes me super excited. Anyway, another thing my priest talked about was why we come to mass. It's not about getting something out of it. It's about 1) Worshipping God, and 2) the sanctification of the human person. That was pretty awesome to hear. I know sometimes I feel like I'm going to mass on Sunday morning because I have to. Sometimes it just doesn't go through my head that I'm going there to worship God and to become more holy. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not always going out of obligation...I really do like going to mass. I just know that I need to really prepare my heart more before going to mass on Sunday. This preparation will not only help me to give more glory to God during mass, but it will also fight off the spiritual attacks of the devil. He absolutely HATES what goes on at mass...the praying, the singing, the praising God, the celebration of the Eucharist (body and blood of Christ), the reading of the scriptures, everything. So he does everything he can to sabotage our minds before we leave for mass...so much so that when we walk through the church doors we can hardly focus on the wonderful celebration of the mass. We can hardly give God our all and praise Him with everything in us because the devil has attacked...and I think sometimes we let him. Without even knowing it. That's the scary part. BUT now we know that the devil attacks when he knows that we're going to be worshipping God...so what are we going to do about it? Pray for protection, that's what. "It's easier to fight in the war when you know there's a battle coming."

Lord, thank You for being present during the talk at church tonight. I ask that You protect me in my weak moments. Be my stronghold and my deliverer. And St. Michael, I ask for your intercession as well: "St. Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle. Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray, and do Thou, O Prince of the heavenly host, by the power of God, cast into hell Satan and all the evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen."

Captivate Us

I listened to a really beautiful song tonight. It's very much like a love letter to God from us, His children. Before you read the lyrics, I want to define a couple of words [via Free Online Dictionary]:

captivate :
to attract and hold by charm, beauty, or excellence

devastate :
to destroy; to overwhelm; to bring to ruin or desolation

abide :
to remain in a place; to continue to be sure or firm; endure; dwell

divine :
supremely good or beautiful; magnificent; extremely pleasant; delightful; heavenly; perfect

fellowship :
the state of sharing mutual interests, experiences, or activities; companionship; friendship

yoke :
a bond or tie

burden :
a source of great worry or stress; weight

wisdom :
the ability to discern or judge what is true, right, or lasting

might :
strength or ability to do something

Now that I've set the stage a little bit, here are the lyrics to Captivate Us by Watermark.

"Your face is beautiful
and Your eyes are like the stars
Your gentle hands have healing
there inside the scars
Your loving arms they draw me near
And Your smile it brings me peace
Draw me closer oh my Lord
Draw me closer Lord to Thee

Captivate us, Lord Jesus set our eyes on You
Devastate us with Your presence falling down
And rushing river, draw us nearer
Holy fountain consume us with You
Captivate us Lord Jesus, with You

Your voice is powerful
and Your words are radiant bright
In Your breath and shadow
I will come close and abide
You whisper love and life divine
and Your fellowship is free
Draw me closer O my Lord
Draw me closer Lord to Thee

Let everything be lost in the shadows
of the light of Your face
Let every chain be broken from me
as I’m bound in Your grace
For Your yoke is easy, Your burden is light
You’re full of wisdom, power and might
And every eye will see You"

I think it really helps to know the meaning of some of those words. It really adds beauty and truth to the song. Anyway, I just really love the words of this. It's such a lovely prayer to God...especially that first verse. When my friend Jennifer told me to listen to it and that she thought I'd like it, I opened up Google, typed it in, listened, and fell in love. It's just so beautiful. Here's the URL if you'd like to have a listen. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vcezx5Rl7sA. I highly recommend it. :)

Lord, captivate me tonight. Hold my attention with Your charm, beauty, and excellence. Devastate me, O God. Tear apart everything that is not holy in me, and replace it with Your holiness and perfection. I want to abide in You. Be my firm foundation and my friend forever. I know that You long to give me a life that is beautiful, magnificent, pleasant, and perfect. Give me the strength to accept You and Your divine plan for my life. Amen.

Meeting Needs

Today I learned about washing feet. It doesn't just mean getting someone's feet clean. That's just the surface-level meaning of the ritual. Jesus washed his disciples' feet in order to serve them. That's what it's really all about. Washing feet means finding a need, and meeting that need. I listened to Joyce Meyer's radio broadcast again tonight and her words really blessed me. She talked about how humbling it is to do things for others. That means doing things without expecting anything in return. Just selfless giving. Joyce makes an interesting point...she says, "Even if we're willing to do stuff for other people, we're much more likely to do stuff for people we like and know...because after all, they'll probably tell us how wonderful we are. When it comes to doing something for someone that you don't know....don't have any natural interest in other than that God loves them...there's a different story." Why is it so much easier to do things for people we already know? What are we afraid of? What am I afraid of? Rejection? Weird looks? Not getting anything in return? I don't know. But something sure is keeping me back, I think. Otherwise I'd be doing things for other people left and right.

Here's a question Joyce says to ask ourselves: "Do I see helping others as a divine opportunity from God or as an unwanted interruption in my plan?" Hmmm...when it's put that way, I guess I don't always see serving others as "divine opportunities". I mean, sometimes I do...like when I was in Detroit for spring break. But most of the time when I think about serving someone I think "Ughh...I just don't have time to stop and talk to that person" or "I'll do it tomorrow." That's not exactly a very good approach to the situation. When God calls us to help someone or serve one of our brothers or sisters in any way, we need to step up and do it. Here's the thing: God will take care of us and all of our needs when we take care of others. That's all there is to it.

God, thank You for giving me opportunities to serve my brothers and sisters, but I apologize for the times when I haven't been willing to carry out that call in serving them. Please continue to place people in my path that You want me to reach out to...and show me the boldness and courage that it takes to serve them as You would. Amen.

Others

From the book of Genesis... "I will bless you and I will make you a blessing, causing you to dispense good to others."

"Everything that God does for us, He expects to flow through us." These are some words of wisdom from the lovely Joyce Meyer. While listening to her radio broadcast tonight, I was struck by this idea of showing Christ's love to others. It's not that I've never heard of that before, it's just that it hit me differently this time. I think the Lord might be telling me to do more for others during this time in my life. He's been speaking to me all sorts of awesome things, showing me His love in incredible ways, and teaching me some important life lessons. But that stuff doesn't mean a thing if I can't show it to others and tell them how much Christ loves them and wants to do the same for them too. I always reap the benefits and praise God for His good works in my life, but I think I often forget the second (and very important) part of this whole thing--sharing it with others! This reminds me of bad professors...you know the kind. They're the ones that are super smart and know everything there is to know about a subject, but when it comes time to teaching that material to their students, they just can't do it. I know I've had quite a few professors like that in these last few years of classes. It's not good! I'm the one confused and left out while they've got all the knowledge and good stuff. Get what I mean? I feel like the Lord is warning me not to become like a bad professor. He wants to tell me things, show me His love, and teach me His ways, but He also wants me to relay all that stuff to His other children...my brothers and sisters.

Lord, help me to share You with the people in my life this week. I ask that you would present opportunities to talk about your goodness and love...especially with those who don't know You. Give me boldness and courage to carry out Your will for my life in this area. Amen.

A Monsoon of Tears

So I mentioned a couple days ago that I started reading a book by Max Lucado called "Next Door Savior: Near Enough to Touch. Strong Enough to Trust." The chapter I just read was really interesting. It's called "Grieving People" and it's based on John 11:1-44. Lucado has a pretty comical writing style. It's all Biblically based, but it's kind of funny. Hard to describe, but I'll try. Here's the beginning of the chapter...see what you think.

"You never know what to say at funerals. This one is no exception. The chapel is library quiet. People acknowledge each other with soft smiles and nods. You say nothing. What's to be said? There's a dead body in the place, for crying out loud! Just last month you took the guy out to lunch. You and Lazarus told jokes over nachos. Aside from a bad cough, you thought he was healthy. Within a week you learned of the diagnosis. The doctor gave him sixty days. He didn't make it that long. Now you're both at his funeral. He in the casket. You in the pew. Death has silenced you both. The church is full, so you stand at the back. Stained glass prisms the afternoon sun, streaking faces with shafts of purple and gold. You recognize many of them. Bethany is a small town. The two women on the front pew you know well. Martha and Mary are the sisters of Lazarus. Quiet, pensive Mary. Bustling, busy Martha. Even now she can't sit still. She keeps looking over her shoulder. Who for? you wonder."

Of course Martha is looking for Jesus. And when He comes, He embraces her. And she cries. Lucado writes, "You wonder what Jesus is going to do. You wonder what Jesus is going to say. He spoke to the winds and the demons. Remarkable. But death? Does he have anything to say about death? Your thoughts are interrupted by Martha's accusation: 'Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died' (John 11:21)". That sounds like our reaction to death, huh? We blame God...even though it's all part of His plan. We tell Him that if only He had been there, things might have been different. Ohh...how silly of us. Anyway, I don't think we can ever understand why God takes some people earlier than He takes others. Death is a sad thing, no doubt. Martha sat, feeling miserable and sad. "And Jesus sat in it with her. [...] Do you see a Savior with Terminator tenderness bypassing the tears of Martha and Mary and, in doing so, telling them and all grievers to buck up and trust? I don't. I don't because of what Jesus does next. He weeps. He sits on the pew between Mary and Martha, puts an arm around each, and sobs. Among the three, a tsunami of sorrow is stirred; a monsoon of tears is released. Tears that reduce to streaks the watercolor conceptions of a cavalier Christ. Jesus weeps. He weeps with them. He weeps for them. He weeps with you. He weeps for you. He weeps so we will know: Mourning is not disbelieving. Flooded eyes don't represent a faithless heart. A person can enter a cemetery Jesus-certain of life after death and still have a Twin Tower crater in the heart. Christ did. He wept, and he knew he was ten minutes from seeing a living Lazarus! And his tears give you permission to shed your own. Grief does not mean you don't trust; it simply means you can't stand the thought of another day without the Jacob or Lazarus of your life. If Jesus gave the love, he understands the tears. So grieve, but don't grieve like those who don't know the rest of this story."

Okay, so I know that was a lot...but I just really loved it. I love hearing that Jesus cried. And He didn't just cry...He wept. There was a "tsunami of sorrow" and a "monsoon of tears". Wow. That's a lot of tears flowing. How...encouraging? No, that's not the right word. How...humanizing? Maybe. It's just good to know that grieving is okay. And that crying doesn't mean that we don't trust God. I think a lot of times when I'm upset and feel like crying, I tell myself not to because it's showing that I don't trust that God will take care of it. That's only half true though. If I just cried for days and days and weeks and months...that would be an entirely different story. That would probably show that I didn't trust God. I don't think that's what Lucado is talking about here, though. Lucado is saying that grieving is not only a part of moving on, but it is a part of understanding Jesus' character. We are made in the image and likeness of Him, afterall. And He cried. So we can cry too. Just not "like those who don't know the rest of this story". :)

This is The Stuff

This song was stuck in my head all day at work today, and I feel like God was using it to speak to me. Here are the words, then I'll explain...

"This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use"

The song is called "This is The Stuff" by Francesca Battistelli, and it really spoke to me today. I had a bit of a crazy day at work. There was a member that got upset with one of my coworkers and decided it would be a good idea to yell about it in front of everyone at Costco. He said something really nasty to my coworker, who was doing nothing wrong. It made me sick to my stomach that someone would say something like that. To make a long story short, the man ended up refunding all his stuff and leaving the store, and I had to put all of his items back. The whole time, I was singing that part of "This is The Stuff". I thought, "This is the stuff that gets under my skin." But I just had to brush it off and get on with the day. Then later I was asked to close the deli department, which is my least favorite department in the entire warehouse. I just really hate it there...for many reasons. Anyway, the person that was supposed to close the deli called off work, so they sent me back there to clean up since I had experience in the department. As annoyed as I was that they asked me to clean back there, I just had to suck it up and do it. Most of the work was done, anyway, so there wasn't a whole lot to do. But that song started going through my head...I thought "This is the stuff that drives me crazy." But I think God was using that song to test me and see if I would let it get to me. Like that line says, "I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing." And that lines right up with what the Lord has been teaching me lately about trust. I just have to realize that when I have crazy days at work, God is trying to teach me something. I may not always realize it right then, but I think it's more beneficial to reflect on it afterwards anyway.

Thank You, Lord, for getting me through the day and being my hope. I do trust that You know exactly what You're doing. Help me not to get wrapped up in the small things that don't matter. Help me to get wrapped up only in Your love and mercy.

More Than Hungry

Psalm 63:
O God, you are my God-- for you I long!
For you my body yearns; for you my soul thirsts,
Like a land parched, lifeless, and without water.
So I look to you in the sanctuary to see your power and glory.
For your love is better than life; my lips offer you worship!

JJ Heller's song "Fly Away"
Stars call me closer
The earth is dragging me down
I want to be more than hungry
I want to live somewhere other than this old gray town

A.W. Tozer's prayer:
O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee;
I long to be filled with longing;
I thirst to be made more thirsty still.
Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, that so I may know Thee indeed.

Lina and I have noticed lately that these three all have something in common. They all talk about being filled with God. Not just being filled with Him though, but letting Him fill us. They talk about wanting Him to satisfy our hunger and thirst. And then they talk about what will happen when we do let Him fill us. We will see His power and glory!

Lord, let these words be the prayer of my heart tonight. Help me to know what it is like to truly hunger and thirst for you. Amen.

My Most Handsome Prince

Lina and I had dinner at Patti's house tonight, and it was wonderful. If you aren't a usual reader of my blog, Patti is basically a second mother to me. She has been cooking delicious dinners for Lina and me for the past four years. :) Anyway, we had dinner tonight with her and her husband and topped it all off with some guitar playing and singing. Lina and I like to sing for our supper. :) We played a couple of our "classics", and then played a combination of "Dance With Me" by Paul Wilbur and "He Loves Us" by John Mark McMillan. They are both really beautiful songs and the choruses are pretty darn similar. We weaved them together pretty nicely and sang them for Patti and Ralph tonight. We had a wonderful conversation afterwards too. I'll let you in on that a little bit...

One of my favorite parts of "Dance With Me" is the part that says, "With You I will go. You are my love, You are my fair one." It reminds me of the last part of that prayer I posted the other day by A.W. Tozer (see http://beauty-all-around-me.blogspot.com/2011/03/give-me-grace.html). I just love it and I really feel like that's what God is putting on my heart lately. He wants me to just let go of everything and rest in Him. He wants to take me away from everything that only temporarily satisfies and give me what will satisfy my heart and soul forever. What do I say to that? "Anytime, Lord. Anytime." I also love "Dance With Me" because of the image I get when I hear the song:

Closing my eyes, I picture being in a large, beautiful ballroom. I picture Jesus, my most handsome prince, approaching me, extending His hand, and asking, "May I have this dance?" I happily agree, take His hand, and begin to dance with Him. He is the best, most graceful man I have ever danced with. He sweeps me off my feet and spins me around on the dance floor. He keeps in perfect time to the music, and He never steps on my feet. He twirls me around and around and I never get dizzy. I simply smile and my heart is filled with joy.

I hope you can imagine what that might be like. Because Jesus wants to do the same for you. He wants to dance with you too! Will you let Him? Guys reading this...I know you may not be able to picture being swept off your feet and twirled around on a dance floor, but just imagine being totally captivated by the One who loves you more than you could ever imagine. Imagine being in total bliss as you gaze into the eyes of the One who has the most beautiful plan for your life. You with me now?

As for "He Loves Us"...well, that's a beautiful song as well. I'm struck quite a bit by the first line "He is jealous for me." God really is jealous for us. Each and every one of us. Even the dirtiest, most sinful of us. He is jealous for us, especially for our time. I am convicted by this when I think about all the time I spend on Facebook...all the time I spend doing things that just do not glorify God. He wants all of me! Not just part of me. Not just 5 minutes before I go to bed. He wants to be involved in everything I do. Everything I speak. Everything I think. Everywhere I go. Whoa. Now THAT'S jealousy. But it's a good kind of jealousy...because think about who it is that we're talking about. It's God! The One who made us! The One who has a plan for our lives! The One who forgives us no matter what we do. The One knows all, sees all, and can do all. I don't know about you, but I certainly want to start letting such a significant person have a little bit more of my time each day.

Lord, help me to prioritize my time in a way that honors You. "Give me the grace to rise up and follow You." I ask that you be in my thoughts, my words, and my deeds. Give purpose to everything that I do, and convict me when I go astray. Amen.

Patience and Trust

I've been sitting here for fifteen minutes trying to put into words what God has been doing in my life lately. It's one thing to experience it, but a whole separate thing to really articulate it. I'll give it my best...

God has been teaching me a lot about patience and trust lately. Over and over again He's telling me "Just be patient. It'll all work out according to my perfect timing and my perfect plan." When I say, "But...I just can't wait" or "When, God?" He simply replies, "Trust me." So there I have it...patience and trust. As most of you know, I will be leaving the country at the end of August of this year for a GAP Year (year-long mission trip). I am very excited about what God has in store for me, but I don't know where I'm going yet. That's where the "When, God? When??" comes in. I just want to know! Instead of patiently waiting for an email back from the GAP Program coordinator and praying about the situation, I've been feeling a lot of anxiety. "What if I don't have enough time to raise all the money I need for the trip?" is a pretty frequent question in my mind lately. That goes right back to trust. Am I not trusting that God will provide the money I need no matter how much time I have to raise it? *Guilty* I know that God works in wonderful and powerful ways. I have seen it myself, both in my life and in others'. But why do I have such a hard time applying it to this situation? Am I too much of a planning person? I do like to have things organized, and I'm not much of a spontaneous person...so maybe that's what it is.

Lord, help me to be patient and trust in You that everything with my GAP Year is going to work out. I know that wherever they send me I will be doing Your work and glorifying You alone. Help me to understand that sometimes it's okay to not know. It tests our patience and reliance on You...which produces endurance. Grant me a peaceful sleep tonight and a good rest of the week. Amen.

Just Like Matthew

I just started reading a book by Max Lucado yesterday called Next Door Savior: Near Enough to Touch. Strong Enough to Trust. I have only read one book by Lucado before, and it was a children's book. So I kind of got a feel for his writing, but not really. One of the chapters I read in this book, though, was about Matthew. Lucado kind of "modernizes" Matthew...talking about his personality in a way that would make sense in this day and age. For example, Lucado writes, "You can bet he was shunned. The neighborhood cookouts? Never invited. High-school reunions? Somehow his name was left off the list. The guy was avoided like streptococcus A. Everybody kept his distance from Matthew" (21). So there probably weren't cookouts or high-school reunions back in Matthew's day. But you get the idea. Anyway, Lucado goes on to say that we are just like Matthew. He says, "There's enough hustler in the best of us to qualify for Matthew's table. Maybe you've never taken taxes, but you've taken liberty with the truth, taken credit that wasn't yours, taken advantage of the weak. You and me? Matthew" (24). The story Lucado writes about Matthew explains what kind of person he is and why Jesus chooses to eat with him (Jesus ate with both sinners and saints). He also explains what it means to follow Christ. It doesn't mean we have to be weird. It doesn't mean we have to stop hanging out with certain friends. Lucado says, "A few introductions would be nice" (24). This is kind of convicting to me. I think a lot of times, if I'm feeling iffy about a certain friendship...if I feel that it is not helping me grow in my relationship with the Lord, I often try to dismiss it. I don't talk to or hang out with that person as much, maybe. But Lucado is telling us that following Christ means the exact opposite of that! We are supposed to introduce that person to Christ! Hmm...that's a lot harder, eh? I think that's why I seem to always take "the easy way out" and just avoid certain relationships. But I know that God created us all...and that He loves us all...sinners and saints.

Lord, please help me to love all of Your children...sinners and saints. Help me to remain humble as I maintain friendships with those around me and as I make new friendships. Open my eyes to Your way of seeing, open my mind to Your way of thinking, and open my heart to Your way of loving.

Give Me the Grace

This is a prayer extracted from a wonderful book called The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer. It is on my mind tonight as my eyes are getting tired, my neck hurts from writing my paper for so long, and my heart feels a bit distant from Christ. I hope you, too, find rest in it.

"O God, I have tasted Thy goodness
and it has both satisfied me
and made me thirsty for more.
I am painfully conscious
of my need for further grace.
I am ashamed of my lack of desire.
O God, the triune God,
I want to want Thee.
I long to be filled with longing.
I thirst to be made more thirsty still.
Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee,
so that I may know Thee indeed.
Begin in mercy a new work of love within me.
*This is my favorite part*
Say to my soul,
"Rise up, my love, my fair one,
and come away."
Then give me the grace to rise
and follow Thee up from the misty lowland
where I have wandered so long."

Come, Sing, Fall, Cry, Dance, Fly

Well, I could go on and on about what a not-so-wonderful day I had today. I could talk about how much my brothers get on my nerves and drive me insane, and I could talk about how crazy work was today. But I don't want to do that. I'd rather say nothing about all of that than say something negative.

Lord, please strengthen my relationships with my brothers. Show me how to love them as You love them. Open my eyes to see each of them in a new light. Help me also to have a good week this week. I'll need Your strength to get through it, that's for sure. Help me to stay focused and keep my eyes fixed on You.

As I was feeling super unmotivated here, a song (Untitled Hymn (Come to Jesus) - Chris Rice) came on Pandora that seemed to speak to me a bit. I had heard the song before, but this time I laid my head down, closed my eyes, and just listened.

"Weak and wounded sinner
Lost and left to die
O, raise your head, for love is passing by
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus and live

Now your burden's lifted
And carried far away
And precious blood has washed away the stain, so
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus and live

And like a newborn baby
Don't be afraid to crawl
And remember when you walk
Sometimes we fall...so
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus and live

Sometimes the way is lonely
And steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus and live

O, and when the love spills over
And music fills the night
And when you can't contain your joy inside, then
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus and live

And with your final heartbeat
Kiss the world goodbye
Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory's side, and
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus and live"

Laughter, Love, and Friendship

"I have some weapons in my bedroom, and they're not legal" - Jennifer's 74 year old grandmother (a.k.a. "Sittie"). When I heard that, I laughed so hard my stomach hurt. Not only did it hurt, but it felt like I had just been doing crunches for an hour. Of course Sittie wasn't referring to guns or anything of the sort. When she said "weapons," she really meant two loud whistles, a siren thing (that needed new batteries), and a little knife-thing resembling a small sword. She blew the whistle really loudly in the kitchen and said, "That's enough to scare the sh** out of anyone!" Haha...what a crazy woman she is. :)

I went to Dearborn after work tonight to spend some time with my good friend Jennifer and her grandmother Sittie. Jennifer and I painted our nails and toenails while Sittie made us fruit salad. She's pretty much the cutest, most caring grandmother I've ever met. And she's hilarious, too, if you didn't get that already. The three of us just talked and laughed and talked and laughed for a couple of hours. When it was time for me to head out, Sittie didn't like the fact that I'd be driving back to Novi by myself in the dark, so she got in the car with Jennifer and made her follow me all the way home...and then they drove all the way back to Dearborn. Ohhhhh Sittie. She just really loves me I think. Can't complain about that.

Lord, I thank You for the blessing that Jennifer and Sittie are to my life. They add laughter, love, and friendship, and I really treasure that. Thank You for showing me a little bit of who You are through them.

Peace

This morning was glorious. I woke up, went out into the living area of my apartment, and opened the blinds. Sunlight just poured into the living room, making the room about three times brighter. I then slid open the screen door to our little deck and stepped outside. The air was chilly, but the sun beamed down its warmth just perfectly. I sat outside on one of our little camping chairs and put my feet up on the other one. Ahhh...yes. I closed my eyes for a minute and just took in that moment. The soft wind blowing, the warm sun on my face, the birds chirping, and yes, the cars driving past. Although I was just sitting on the small deck outside my apartment, I felt very peaceful. While cars were whizzing by down below on the street and people were rushing to get wherever they were going, I was just relaxing there. :)

Work went by very very slowly today, and it put me in kind of a down mood. I just kept waiting on 8:30 (when Costco closes)...and then waiting on my last break (around 8:45)...and then painfully waiting on 10:00, when I would finally get to go home. That last hour and a half just seemed to drag on and on, and I had a hard time being patient. I just wanted to go home. I think the devil was messing with me a little bit this evening. I just finished reading Joyce Meyer's Battlefield of the Mind last night, and in it she talks about the meaning of patience. She says that patience does not mean being able to wait. Patience means being able to keep a positive attitude while waiting. The devil was taking away my positive attitude at work tonight, and I wasn't doing much to stop him. In fact, I think I was listening to him. I was complaining about being tired and about how the night was going sooooo slowly. Yeah...not exactly a positive attitude.

God, grant me a peaceful sleep tonight. Help me to rest in You and wake up refreshed in the morning. I pray that You would keep in my mind that image of being totally relaxed in You...with the cool breeze and the warm sunshine. I ask You to rebuke satan in the name of Jesus Christ Your Son. Keep him far far away from my thoughts and from my heart.

Short and Sweet

68 degrees.
Sunshine and a cool breeze.
Thank.the.Lord.

I got to spend part of this lovely St. Patrick's Day with some really special people. Patti, someone from the church I used to go to near Eastern, invited Lina and I over for dinner tonight for St. Patrick's day. Lina couldn't come, so I ended up going by myself. Patti's daughter Mary and her husband and kids were there, and we all ended up having a great time. The dinner was delicious, and I enjoyed playing with the kids and reading to them. Patti's family has been such a blessing to my life. Lina and I have been having dinner at their house for four years now, and we've enjoyed every moment. We feel like we're just a part of their family now. :) I'm so grateful to have had the opportunity to meet and be part of such a loving family.

There's nothing else to report tonight, just a short and sweet one. I hope you all had a wonderful week!

Just What I Needed

Thanks, Lord, for the sunshine today. What a wonderful way to put us all in a good mood. :)

I rode my bike to class again today and just soaked up that sunshine. Please God, let this be the end of the snow. I'm ready for Spring! Class went well today, and I observed at the Children's Institute (the daycare on campus) between classes. For one of my classes we have to observe a child with some kind of behavioral issue for 10-12 hours and then write a report on it including some kind of positive behavior support. I've been observing a little 3 1/2 year old boy once a week for the past month or so, and he's just adorable. He's a little rowdy and he likes to hoard toys, but overall he's a sweet kid. Usually he sort of ignores me and the girl in my class that is observing with me, but today he was being extra sweet. He kept sharing his toys with me, which is something he never does. I made sure to praise him for that. He also asked if he could hold my hand when we walked down to the gym. Of course I told him he could, and his tiny little hand grasped my hand and held it all the way down the stairs and down the hallway to the gym. :) Then once we got inside the gym I sat down on the mats to observe, and he asked if he could sit on my lap! I let him, and he just sat there nicely for a while. At one point he got up, ran around, and then came back and sat on my shins. After a second he scooched his little bottom further and further back until he was sitting on my lap again. It was really cute. :) He behaved a lot nicer today...not only with me, but with the other teachers and even with the other students. I'm excited to report his progress in class. :)

Tonight my friend Eva came over for a second to borrow some cupcake liners and she surprised me with a hot chocolate from Starbucks. How nice! It's the little things that count. Thanks, Eva!

Thank You Lord for providing sunshine today. I know I was in a better mood today, and I think those around me were as well. It was refreshing. Just what I needed.

There You Go

Today I was inspired by something my professor said during class. We're doing a lit review as our final assignment in the class, and my professor sensed that some of us were worrying about writing it. She was probably right. In any case, this is what she said: "Don't worry about something you can do something about. Just do something about it and stop worrying. Like this paper...just write it! Stop worrying about it. And don't worry about something you can't do anything about. For example, if you want to have a picnic on Saturday but you're worried it's going to rain, your worrying isn't going to change anything. It's either going to rain or its not going to rain, and you worrying about it is not going to change anything. So what does that leave you to worry about? Nothing. There you go."

I immediately thought of Matthew 6:27, which says, "Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span?" ...if you answered "yes" to that, you may want to go talk to someone about that. Because I know for me the answer is definitely "no." Worrying about something does NOT make anything better. In fact, we're wasting more time worrying about doing something when it would have taken less time to just do it.

Hakuna matata.


God, I thank you for revealing Yourself to me today through my professor. Thank You for giving me peace of mind and helping me to stay focused on You. Help me not to worry and to just lay everything at Your feet.

Almost There

The Lord blessed us with a beautiful sunny day today. Yeah, it was still a little chilly outside, but the sun was wonderful. I was pretty excited to get my bike back out and ride to class. Much faster, and much more enjoyable than walking. :)

My first class was cancelled, so the only class I had for the day was biology at 5:30. Yay for having the morning and afternoon off! I was pretty productive all afternoon, and I thank God for that. Sometimes it's hard for me to be productive when classes are cancelled because I'm just too excited and I'd rather be doing something else. I began my study time with praise and prayer. I got out my guitar, sang a couple good songs, and then prayed that God would help me to stay awake and motivated to finish my homework. What a great sense of focus that gave me! I love how God's word and prayer has the ability to do that.

I taught a guitar lesson tonight to my friend Alexis. I've been teaching her on some Monday nights this semester, and although we haven't been able to get together every week, I've enjoyed the time we've had together. It's a good experience for me to learn how to teach. I'm practicing my patience, for sure. Plus I've been able to talk to Alexis more and get to know her a little bit. We had a class together last semester, but we didn't get a whole lot of opportunities to talk. This way, with me teaching her to play the guitar, we're building a bit of a friendship. She's also being so kind as to support me financially for my GAP Year. Even though I don't know where I'm going yet (I'll find out soon!), I know that I'm going somewhere...and that I need to raise $9-10,000 by the end of this August. In exchange for guitar lessons, Alexis is helping me raise support for my GAP Year and that is such a blessing to me. I thank you, Alexis, and I thank God for providing me with this awesome opportunity. :)

In other news, I got an email this weekend with a bunch of information about graduation! I'll be graduating on April 16th, and you better believe I'm excited about it. These four years have really flown by, and they've been enjoyable, but I am really ready to get the heck out of here and take a year off. I just need the motivation to make it through this last month of classes. I'm almost there! Come Holy Spirit, grant me peace and clarity of mind.

Like a Shield

I went to mass at St. James church in Novi this morning, and I actually really liked it. I really love going to Christ the King for mass, but it doesn't always work out with my work schedule. So I've just been asking God to bless me at St. James instead. It's harder for me to focus there and get into the Spirit. The style of music is a bit "hymn-ish", and there are no kneelers, which is very odd for a Catholic church. I also feel out of place there in regards to singing the songs. I feel like I'm the only one singing (or holding the book, for that matter), and it just feels really odd.

Anyway, I got quite a bit out of mass today. The first reading was from Genesis...the story of Adam and Eve. Although I've heard the story countless times, I heard a different take on it today. Fr. George talked about how Adam and Eve were kind of "set up" to sin. There they were in that beautiful garden with a beautiful tree and beautiful fruit, and they were told not to eat it. Of course they were going to! Fr. George explained it by saying, "It's like when someone tells you, 'Don't go into that room!' ...Well of course you're gonna go into that room!" This kind of made me laugh.

I also liked the Gospel reading today from Matthew (Matthew 4:1-11). This is the story of Jesus being tempted in the desert for 40 days by the devil. Each time Jesus was tempted, He quoted scripture. That was his strong foundation that helped Him to not be tempted. Fr. George explained that we are to also have a foundation. When we are in tempting situations, we should be able to say (as Jesus said), "It is written: ..." and just spout out scriptures to fight off the devil. If we don't have that strong foundation, we're letting the devil have power over us...and that's exactly what he wants! I was so inspired by this to memorize more scripture so that I am fully prepared for temptation by the devil. Lord, help me to read and memorize more of Your word. Let Your words be like a sword and a shield for me in the battle against the enemy.

I got to see my friend/little sister Ashley tonight after work, and that made me pretty darn happy. As some of you know, we went through a bit of a rough patch this past year, but things are getting better. She was babysitting her half sister tonight, so I came over to just hang out and keep her company. I fell in love with baby Jamie I think. She was so cute and cuddly and beautiful...I just couldn't get over how adorable she was. Ashley and I visited for a while and then I got the pleasure of helping put Jamie to bed. After the first attempt, Jamie cried in her crib for what I thought was too long (I hated hearing her cry!), so I went to rescue her. I rocked her and rubbed her back for a while and she ended up falling asleep (and snoring...and drooling) in my arms. How precious. :) Lord, thank you for the wonderful gift of babies. Thank you for their carefree smiles, their soft and sweet smelling skin, and their beauty.

I hope you all had a great weekend. Let's stand strong in Christ this week!

Blessings

My dad came to visit me at work today. I say that (well, type that) with a smile on my face. I really love when my dad comes to visit me. He always has a huge smile on his face that always catches my attention. It's a great big "I'm so proud of you/I'm happy to see you" smile. I don't always have time to chat while I'm working, but he seems to come right when it's time for one of my breaks. Today I convinced my manager to let me take my last break a bit early because my dad was there, and he agreed. I got to sit down with my dad for a little bit and enjoy his company. Those fifteen minutes were the highlight of my 8-hour work day today. :)

Overall I had a good day at work, but it felt great to go home at 5:45 before Costco closed. I had a good night to look forward to. Lina (my roommate, for those of you who don't know) and I had planned a "date night". Although we're roommates, we don't get to spend a whole lot of time together. Our schedules really conflict during the weekdays, and I always go home and work on the weekends. Because I worked slightly different hours this weekend, though, I was able to come back to Ypsilanti tonight to have a date with my lovely roommate. We went out to dinner at Applebees (I won a gift card at my Costco holiday party this year) and then walked around Target for a while. We had a really nice time just hanging out, and I realized how blessed I am to have her in my life. Lina has been an awesome roommate and friend for the past 4 years. Although our career paths and schedules are so different now, we're nearing the end of our "life together as roommates" and I'd like to treasure every moment. Especially because I'll be out of the country for a year next year! I thank God for the opportunity that I had to spend time with Lina tonight.

Lord, I thank you for my family, especially my dad. Thank you for such a strong, Godly man with a loving smile and a kind heart. Thank you also for my roommate and friend Lina. Thank you for answering my prayers 4 years ago and providing me with such a wonderful Christian roommate. Words cannot express the blessing that she is in my life. Help me to see more of You in each of them every day.

Stealin' My Candy

It was a bit ironic that I blogged yesterday about staying calm in difficult situations because today I encountered a difficult situation. At work today my job was to promote the Costco American Express credit card (free with your Costco membership, no annual fee, cash back on everything you buy, blah blah blah). I was getting tired of standing at the table all day, so I decided to go over to the registers and talk to the members there. I asked one woman if she knew anything about the Costco American Express card and she just made an ugly face and said, "Yeah. I do. I had one before and it's a scam." I asked her to explain what she meant, and she went on and on (very loudly) about how much she hated the card. I simply said, "I'm sorry you feel that way. Have a good day!" And then I continued on to talk to other members. I had kind of forgotten about that woman's negative attitude, and I started walking back toward my table to get more pamphlets. As soon as I looked at the table, there was that woman, with a friend, and they were both loading candy from my bowl into their jacket pockets. When I say loading, I really mean loading. They each took turns holding each other's pockets open while the other one shoveled the candy in. I couldn't believe it! First they were knocking the card that I was promoting, and then they were taking all my candy while I wasn't looking. It took all that was in me not to go over there and ask them what the heck they thought they were doing. I just took a couple of deep breaths, and slowly walked back to the table as they were finishing up their little heist. I realize this is kind of a silly situation, but it really made me upset and I was very tempted to act un-Godly. Lord, thank You for granting me peace at work today.

Thirsty Thursday

Today I woke up thirsty. Physically, yes, but also spiritually. I poured myself a large glass of water, grabbed the Joyce Meyer book I've been slowly making my way through (Battlefield of the Mind), and sat down at the dining room table. Typically I do not spend my mornings this way. They usually consist of jumping out of bed as my alarm sounds, rushing around to get ready for class, and running out the door with breakfast in my hands. This morning was a bit different...a good different. I would love to start every morning like this, but I will be honest and tell you that I do not. Anyway, this morning I felt as though there was something that God really wanted to tell me. I felt Him saying that He just really wanted about 20-25 minutes of my time this morning. So I gave it to Him. I opened my book and began reading, and immediately God began speaking to me.

The chapter that I read and meditated on this morning was called, ""I can't help it; I'm just addicted to grumbling, faultfinding, and complaining."" The last couple of chapters in this book deal with what Joyce calls "wilderness mentalities". They are things that we tell ourselves that keep us from experiencing true joy in Christ. This particular chapter was about having a godly attitude in our times of suffering. I was very much convicted about this, as I often encounter situations in which I do not act very godly. Sometimes when someone does something that upsets me, I want to get angry with him or her and show how I really feel. Of course, it's much easier to get upset and complain, so I'm tempted to do just that. In fact, I see why Joyce identifies this attitude as addicting. What stops me sometimes, though, is the power of God. I hear His voice telling me to calm down and act rationally. I recognize a couple of reasons why He might be telling me this. First of all, we are made in the image of Christ. Therefore we are to act as He acts...and "Jesus suffered gloriously! Silently, without complaint, trusting God no matter how things looked" (Meyer, 218). Secondly, we are called to be a light to others. Those around us should be able to observe us and get an idea of the love of Christ through our actions and words. If we walk around grumbling and complaining whenever something in our life goes wrong, what image might others get of the Christian life? Especially if they hear us call ourselves Christians, yet they see us acting poorly in times of trouble. What good is it to talk the talk and not walk the walk? Lord, I pray that You would work through me. I pray that You would give me a patient heart and kind words. Please grant me the courage to act holy in difficult situations. Let me be a light for You.

I organized a little "spring break story time" for after the weekly meeting of Cru (Campus Crusade for Christ) tonight. It was really awesome and encouraging to hear one another's stories and see how God worked in our lives during break. Some of us went on mission trips and some of us stayed home...but all of us had great stories to share because God works in our lives no matter where we are.

I hope that you all are having a good week. I pray that God keeps you safe this weekend and that He brings you closer to Him each and every day. God bless!

Psalm 51

Happy Ash Wednesday. Today is the beginning of the 40 days of Lent. I am excited for this time of drawing closer to God and falling more deeply in love with Him. I can't wait to see how He speaks to me, how He uses me, and how He invites me to know and love Him on a deeper level.

At Mass tonight, the first reading (Joel 2:12-18) particularly struck me. "For gracious and merciful is he, slow to anger, rich in kindness, and relenting in punishment" (Joel 2:13). I want so much to be like that. I don't ever recall hearing those words and not feeling something stirring in my heart that says, "THAT'S the right attitude." What better time than Lent to practice that kind of behavior? This is a time of deeper prayer, deeper knowledge of God, and deeper belief in His promises. Lord, I pray that you would make me gracious and merciful, slow to anger, rich in kindness, and relenting in punishment. Make me more like You.

The Psalm read at Mass tonight was Psalm 51. If you haven't read it, I encourage you to do so. Even if you have read it, read it again. Something amazing happens when you read scripture multiple times...something different pops out at you each time! That's just how awesome God is and how true His words are. :) So here you go:

Psalm 51 - The Miserere: Prayer of Repentance

"Have mercy on me, God, in your goodness;
in your abundant compassion blot out my offense.
Wash away all my guilt; from my sin cleanse me.
For I know my offense; my sin is always before me.
Against you alone have I sinned;
I have done such evil in your sight
That you are just in your sentence,
blameless when you condemn.
True, I was born guilty, a sinner,
even as my mother conceived me.
Still, you insist on sincerity of heart;
in my inmost being teach me wisdom.
Cleanse me with hyssop, that I may be pure;
wash me, make me whiter than snow.
Let me hear sounds of joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.

Turn away your face from my sins,
blot out all my guilt.
A clean heart create for me, God;
renew in me a steadfast spirit.
Do not drive me from your presence,
nor take from me your holy spirit.
Restore my joy in your salvation;
sustain in me a willing spirit.
I will teach the wicked your ways,
that sinners may return to you.
Rescue me from death, God, my saving God,
that my tongue may praise your healing power.
Lord, open my lips;
my mouth will proclaim your praise.
For you do not desire sacrifice;
a burnt offering you would not accept.
My sacrifice, God, is a broken spirit;
God, do not spurn a broken, humbled heart.

Make Zion prosper in your good pleasure;
rebuild the walls of Jerusalem.
Then you will be pleased with proper sacrifice,
burnt offerings and holocausts;
then bullocks will be offered on your altar."


I hope you actually read that and didn't just scroll down to the end. It is really such a beautiful psalm. Anyway, I am just struck by how wonderfully honest this is. It's a cry out to God, saying "I'm a sinner, Lord, but wipe it all away. Give me a clean heart. Just open my lips and I will sing your praises." This psalm is the cry of my heart today as I begin these forty days leading up to the Resurrection. I pray that God would help me put my past behind me and just cling to Him. I pray for the same for all of you as well. Let's join together and grow stronger in Christ!

True Community

Life has been a little hectic lately. Hectic, but wonderful. I just enjoyed winter/spring break last week, and it was great to not think about class for a little while. I went to Detroit on a 4-day mission trip with a small group from UCO (University Christian Outreach), and we had an awesome time. I went on the same trip last year, so I was a bit familiar with a few of the things we did. One thing that really struck me about the trip this year was the hope and joy that the people of Detroit have in the midst of their troubled circumstances. It really amazes me. Seeing the smiles on their faces and the light in their eyes makes me wonder something: If I was in that situation, living as they are living, would I have the same outlook on life? I think maybe I would...but only if I had Christ. Otherwise I think I'd be terribly depressed. The people in Detroit that we saw last week really had a passion for God. They knew His love and joy, despite their horrible living conditions and lack of food. I loved being able to pass out lunches one day to about 80 people living in poor conditions. It brought joy to my heart, and I know it blessed their lives as well. Another day that stands out from the trip to Detroit is Friday, when we got to sit in on an AA meeting. I didn't know what to expect going into it, but whatever I expected wouldn't even have come close to what I experienced. There were probably about 15-20 of us gathered around in a small room in one of the soup kitchens. Before I knew it, the meeting was off to an interesting start. These people had such amazing stories to share, and they weren't afraid to share them. There were a couple of women there that shared stories about their lives...how they were prostitutes in order to make a little money, but that they would most often spend that money on drugs or alcohol. One woman even admitted to stealing money from her children. God really broke my heart for those women. I can't imagine what it must be like to feel the need to sell my body for money. Now, before you all get depressed or anything, there is a bright side to this story. Although these women talked about selling themselves, drinking, and doing drugs, they were at that meeting because they want help and they know that God has a better and more beautiful plan for their lives. And they are all so encouraging to one another. When one man told the group that he had been clean for two months, everyone clapped for him. Also, they know each other by name and are like one big community. They're all there to get help and help one another. That really inspires me. We should also be encouraging to one another. We are all brothers and sisters in Christ...but often I don't think we act like it. I love the idea of having a group of friends who all know one another's strengths and weaknesses...a group that rejoices in others' good times and weeps with them during the bad times...a group of people that lifts one another up and supports each other through prayer and kind words. I see the people at that AA meeting as a great model for unity and true Christian community.

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, the first day of the 40 days of Lent. I will be blogging each day like I did last year to keep a record of the things God is doing in my life as I grow closer to him in this 40-day period of prayer, fasting, and almsgiving. For those of you who do not celebrate Lent, I encourage you to take this time to learn a little bit more about what it is and why we celebrate it. For those of you who do celebrate Lent, I hope it is a wonderful time of spiritual growth for you. You are all in my prayers. :)