Missed Him

Much has changed since my last blog post. I have come back out of my spiritual dryness and have had some really great prayer times lately. Besides that article about journaling that I shared, a talk that I went to at my church really inspired me. The title of the talk was "The Smelly Stable," and it was basically about how our lives are a mess, and we often think we need to clean them up before we can let God back in. I know this is true a lot of times for me...I'll be stressed about school or work, get caught up in too much homework, and not be devoting any time to God. I'll think to myself, "Well, once I get my homework done, I'll start praying again" or "Once work gets less stressful, I'll have better prayer times." I never really thought "I want to have better prayer times now." It was always later, later, later. Well, I know from experience that sometimes later never comes. To get out of my spiritual dryness and my feelings of being overwhelmed and stressed, I needed to just start praying and talking to God again. Even though I didn't feel like it. And so I did...and gosh, I realized two things: 1) I really missed talking to Him, and 2) He really missed me!

My journal is caught up a bit more now, and I have been starting my mornings off by reading scripture or listening to Joyce Meyer on the radio. How much more smoothly my days go when I start them like this. The difference is truly amazing. :) I was able to get through finals week without too much stress, and now I know I will enjoy my Christmas break. I am looking forward to working more hours, resting on my days off, and spending time with my family and close friends. I hope you all had a good finals week and I wish you all a Merry Christmas. Bring it on, 2011!

Dry Time

I have been struggling lately with having a consistent prayer time. I have gotten pretty caught up in school and other things and I just haven't spent as much time in God's presence. Sure I've still been going to Mass, Cru, and UCO, but I haven't been reading my Bible every day, and I haven't been talking and listening to the Lord in quiet times. I also haven't been journaling, which is a big passion of mine. I love writing in a journal. It's a great way to record the ups and downs (and there are many!) of my spiritual life. I write about my successes, my failures, witnesses of God's work in my life, and prayers that I hold in my heart. When I'm having a rough day, I flip through my journal to an entry about a really great day, and my mood significantly brightens. My journal serves as proof that God really can stamp out the devil and his lies. I read a really great article about journaling yesterday in Joyce Meyer's magazine. It really spoke to my heart and confirmed what I had been feeling about my spiritual life. I'd like you all to read it, so I'll copy it here:

"Connecting With Your Heavenly Father" - Ginger Stache

The day I left home for college my dad gave me a gift, a yellow journal. He told me that he loved me and was going to miss our time together while I was away. He said my heavenly Father also loves me and craves spending time with me even more.

That yellow journal really cemented what my family had already taught me--spending time with God is not just a good idea; it's a necessity. Today I have a drawer full of journals documenting the ups and downs of my time with God.

I've been far from perfect. There are chunks of time missing here and there. Some of those periods I was devoting time to God but I wasn't writing. Other times I must admit, I was silent.

I went through one particularly trying period when I just couldn't write. It was one of the most difficult times of my life--a dry time with God. During this time most things in my life were shaken, including my confidence. There were many reasons those days were difficult but looking back I must ask myself, were they dry with God because He was silent or because I was?

You see, God is always faithful, and as my fervor for time with Him was renewed, so was my spirit and my confidence; however, I did not resume journaling. I cherished our time together but I was holding back my greatest passion--writing.

Then I received another gift. This time it was Joyce who gave me a journal, a pink one--so like her--with a note inside saying, "I thought I would help you get started journaling again." She knew just what I needed and it's what we all need--intimacy with God. For me, that comes through spending time in His Word and sharing my heart. For you it may be slightly different but it always involves giving Him our time.

I have learned over the years that my time with Him, reading the Bible, praying, and writing, is some of the sweetest of my life. I need it for survival. If you're not sure, give it a shot and I guarantee you'll see that it is a worthwhile investment. Some of you are saying, "How do I possibly find the time?" and I understand. It can be difficult with so many things pulling on us. Take it where you can. Schedule a few minutes where you can grab them and go from there.

I challenge you to make a commitment: Grab your Bible, a devotional you like, perhaps even a yellow or pink journal. This is a great time of year to begin, so do it now for you and for your family.

Give God your love and your time. Your Father misses you."

I found a lot of encouragement in that, and I hope you did as well. Please keep me in your prayers as I get things back on track with my spiritual journey.

Blessings

It has been a little while, and I just want to reflect on God's goodness since then. I had a most wonderful 22nd birthday celebration, and I thank every single person that was somehow a part of it. It started the night before my birthday, when my mom bought me a "Birthday Princess" pin to wear to work the next day. I woke up the following morning for work, and my dad was in the kitchen preparing his special pancakes...Swedish pancakes. They're very similar to crepes, and they're my dad's best thing to cook. So I had a wonderful breakfast before I left for work. My day at work went pretty well. I had just started training as a cashier (I was a cashier assistant before), so it's been pretty exciting. It was pretty fun having all of the Costco members wish me a Happy Birthday. Sometimes I forgot I was wearing the pin, so I thought "How did you know it was my birthday?!" ...and then I looked down at my shirt. :) About halfway through my day, I had a surprise visit from my friend Jennifer and her grandmother Sittie. They brought me a HUGE bouquet of fresh flowers...with mostly Gerber Daisies, my favorite. :)



I was all smiles the rest of the day, and then came home to find a little surprise from my roommate Lina: pink streamers hanging in my bedroom doorway, plus a Happy Birthday balloon. :)



I changed out of my work clothes and freshened up a bit, then borrowed a birthday outfit from Lina. She and I share clothes a lot...it's usually one way (her borrowing from me), but this time I was successful in finding something I liked. :) My parents came over to my apartment to let me open my gifts from them before we all went out to dinner. My brothers came too, and it was really nice to see them dressed up.



We went out to dinner at Weber's in Ann Arbor, and the food was really delicious! There was a band that played afterwards, so that was fun as well. It was nice to spend some time with my whole family on my birthday. After we had finished eating, I headed back to my apartment to hang out with Lina...and to go find something free for my birthday. We ended up going to downtown Ann Arbor to get a free smoothie at Bubble Island. :) We hung out there for a while, then went for a long walk around town. It was freezing cold outside, but we really enjoyed just walking and talking.

The following day, Sunday, I went to church and then headed straight for work. We had quite the busy day at Costco, with everyone buying things for Thanksgiving. The day went by pretty quickly and I came home to find the apartment clean and decorated for my party that evening. :) Thanks Lina, Jennifer, and Kayla for your time and dedication! It was really nice to walk through that door after work and see the party all set up. I just had to be the birthday girl. :) The party had a really nice turnout. A bunch of my friends from UCO and Cru came, so it was good to see everyone meeting eachother and having a good time.



After the party, Jennifer stayed the night and helped Lina and me clean up the mess. It wasn't too bad to clean with three of us though, so that was nice. All in all, with my special day at work, dinner with my parents, and the party with my friends, I had a really great 22nd birthday. I am so thankful for such wonderful friends and family. I praise God for them everyday. :)

It's Thanksgiving Day now, and I'm looking forward to eating some great food and visiting with my cousins later. As I mentioned before, I am really grateful for what God has blessed me with...wonderful friends, great family, perfect health, and the constant reminders of His great love for me. I hope you all have a nice Thanksgiving (and Jennifer--Happy 24th Birthday!!), and that you enjoy spending time with your family.

God bless!

You are Special

I am very touched, and always have been, by the book You are Special by Max Lucado. It's a children's book about wooden people called Wemmicks. The Wemmicks walk around giving eachother star and dot stickers. They get stars if they're good, and dots if they're bad. Punchinello, the main character of the book, always gets dots. He falls down a lot, his paint is chipped, etc. So people give him dots. He meets a Wemmick named Lucia who has no dots...and no stars. He asks her how she does it, and she tells Punchinello that she just doesn't let the stickers stick. She goes to see Eli, the woodmaker, every day and he reminds her that he thinks she's pretty special. Punchinello wants to be just like Lucia, so he goes to see Eli too. Sure enough, Eli tells Punchinello how much he loves him because he made him...and he doesn't make mistakes. After hearing this, Punchinello walked away believing that it didn't matter what the others thought...as long as he was loved by Eli. And while he walked away, a dot fell off. :) Now, I just summed up the story pretty quickly, but isn't it great? If you couldn't pick up the Christian symbolism, try reading it again. It's a wonderful story of God's love for us...and that that's all that matters. :)

I bring up this story because in my Theater for Children class, we had to pick a Children's story and adapt it for theater. I picked You are Special because I love it so much and I can really picture it coming to life on a stage. I had a great time writing the script for this play...it was definitely one of the more enjoyable homework assignments I've done. After we've all shared our adaptations with the class, we'll vote on one of them that we get to perform for the Children's Institute (on campus). I really think it'd be great if my script gets picked. I think that it would be an amazing opportunity to share Jesus with my class and a group of children...even if this is a story about wooden people. :) Please pray that if God wills, my story will be picked.

Mint Brownie recipe

I went home last night to have dessert with my family for my mom's birthday, and I made some really awesome mint brownies. My mom really loves mint-chocolate, so I found a recipe on hersheys.com for some really good Peppermint Pattie Brownies, and boy oh boy were they good! I'd like to share the recipe with you all, but don't freak out by the massive amount of eggs, butter, and sugar. They're BROWNIES, people. :) And they're delicious.

Sensational Peppermint Pattie Brownies

Ingredients:
24 small YORK Peppermint Patties (I actually used a larger bag of about 36)
1-1/2 cups (3 sticks) butter or margarine, melted
3 cups sugar
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
5 eggs
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup Hershey's cocoa (unsweetened, not Special Dark)
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt

Directions:
1. Heat oven to 350 degrees. Remove wrappers from peppermint patties. Grease 13x9x2 inch baking pan.
2. Stir together butter, sugar, and vanilla in a large bowl. Add eggs; beat until well blended. Stir in flour, cocoa, baking powder, and salt; blend well. Reserve 2 cups batter. Spread remaining batter in prepared pan. Arrange peppermint patties about 1/2 inch apart in single layer over batter. Spread reserved two cups batter over patties.
3. Bake 50-55 minutes or until brownies begin to pull away from the sides of the pan. Cool completely (I put Andes Mint baking bits on top right when they came out of the oven) in pan on wire rack; cut into squares. About 36 brownies.

Enjoy! These brownies are super sweet, so have a glass of milk handy. :)

Sidenote: you may be wondering, why is there a recipe for brownies on your blog? Isn't this supposed to be about how God is working in your life? Yes, yes it is. And this is how God's working: He's showing me the delicious beauty of mint brownies. :)

God Provides

This past week I did something really hard. I sacrificed food every day for my friend. After talking on the phone with her last weekend, I heard the Lord telling me to fast for her. Although I couldn't relate to what she was going through, I could do something extremely difficult and offer it up for her. So last week I drank only liquids...water, juice, milk, broth. And I prayed extra hard for my friend. I had some really powerful prayer times, as the Lord speaks extra loudly and more clearly when we fast. He gave me such great strength to make it through the week...and to resist all cravings I had to eat. I truly believe that God has the power to satisfy our physical hunger with a much more wonderful spiritual feast. I am meeting with my friend tomorrow night to talk, and I know that God will bless our conversation and give me an understanding heart to listen to what she has to say.

On another note, I've really been enjoying working as a cashier assistant at Costco. I get to talk to a whole new set of employees. It's kind of like I'm new all over again...but in a good way, because I'm not completely lost. :) I get to interact with the members all day, which is fun, and I don't have to mess around with chicken grease like I did in the deli. :) I spent this whole weekend at home, and it's been really nice...like a little retreat. My dad is away on a business trip, so it stinks that I can't see him, but being with my mom is just wonderful. She has such a bright, cheery attitude all the time, and we really have some awesome conversations about how God's working in our lives. She is such wonderful encouragement to my spiritual journey.

I am still planning on doing a GAP year next year, but as of now I don't know where I'm going. I'll find out in March of next year, so I still have a while. I've been saving my money little by little and I have no doubt that God will provide the rest. Please pray for me as I plan and prepare for this next chapter of my life. :)

Show me, Lord

Well my friend came back...or at least is starting to. The one that I had been losing for a little while now. She finally sent me a message and explained to me a little bit of what was going on in her life. Without going into specifics, she basically told me what I thought she would say: she didn't think she could talk to me about what she had done and how her life was going because she didn't think I would understand and/or approve. This breaks my heart. It hurts to feel like a closed door. It hurts to hear someone say that I'm perfect and they're not, and that's why they can't talk to me. I tried to argue that I am in no way perfect, but that really didn't fly. I may not have done the same things, made the same mistakes, or sinned the same ways, but I certainly am in need of God's grace every day, multiple times. Why can't people see that? Yes, I am in love with Jesus Christ, believe in His saving power, and have a strong relationship with Him. But that definitely does not mean that I don't fall down and need help.

While talking with my friend tonight, I realized that I am going through this difficult situation as kind of a training session. God is disciplining me and showing me how to love my brothers and sisters in Christ, with love and without judgement. I also realized that I have excellent friends and family to support me in prayer during these difficult times. My roommate Lina is especially wonderful. She always offers a hand to hold, and she pats my back and lets me cry. I love it when we pray together, too. I know that her words are directly from the Lord because they're always exactly what I need to hear. My mom has also been incredibly supportive lately. I stayed a couple nights at home this weekend for work, and my mom did my laundry, made me breakfast before work, packed my lunch for work, and prayed with me when I needed prayer. I called her tonight to update her about my friend, and she really had some great advice. She also offered to pray for me and my friend this week, so I'm grateful for that as well.

Whew. Enough of that. I hope you all had a good Halloween weekend. I dressed up as a golfer (Lina's idea) for the Cru Halloween party on Thursday, and I dressed up as a pirate today for work. I wasn't planning on dressing up for work, but I found a cool pirate costume in my parents' basement toy chest. Who knew?! It was fun seeing my coworkers dressed up too, and I think the Costco members got a kick out of our outfits. :)

Good friends, good words

Tonight I praise God for good friends. I have such wonderful friends that help me through difficult times...and I am so thankful for that. I have friends that smile and tell me everything's going to be alright. I have friends that offer to pray for me when times are tough. I have friends that ask how things are going and offer kind words or good advice. I want to give a special shout out to Meredith and Jennifer tonight. Thanks girls, your friendship really means a lot to me.

As I'm reading Joyce Meyer's Battlefield of the Mind, I am truly convicted by what she says about using spiritual weapons. She writes, "Each time the devil lied to Him, Jesus responded with, 'It is written,' and quoted him the Word." Wow. I want to be like that. Every single time the devil told Jesus something He knew wasn't true, He just threw it back in his face. I would love to be at that point someday...where I had a spiritual truth for every lie from the devil. Lord, help me to know Your words and use them in times of need.

I Want to Want Thee

"O Lord, I have tasted Thy goodness and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more.

I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace.

I am ashamed of my lack of desire.

O God, the triune God, I want to want Thee.

I long to be filled with longing.

I thirst to be made more thirsty still.

Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, so that I may know Thee indeed.

Begin in mercy a new work of love within me.

Say to my soul, 'Rise up, my love, my fair one. And come away.'

Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee

Up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long."

- A.W. Tozer (from The Pursuit of God)

That is the prayer of my heart tonight. As I sit here and think of my mixed emotions...how I am sad, happy, terrified, and comforted all at the same time...I realize just how much I need my Father's love and mercy.

Maybe...in the future...you're gonna come back

I had a bit of a rough start to my weekend, but it ended really well. The reason I say it was off to a rough start is because I'm kind of losing a friend right now. I won't name names, but I'll just say that losing her is extremely difficult for me. Our friendship has grown so strong for the past six years, and to have her pushing away just really hurts. Especially because I don't even know why she's pushing away. She won't talk to me, and words cannot express how much that devastates me. She wrote me a letter about a month ago saying she was going through some rough stuff and that she really needed me. I wrote her back right away and I've been praying for her every day since then, but I've gotten no response. I pray that God will bring her back some day. I hope this is only temporary. In the words of Ingrid Michaelson, "Maybe, in the future, you're gonna come back, you're gonna come back around."

On to brighter and better things...I'm really liking my new position at work as cashier assistant. At Costco, that basically means I put stuff in people's carts, give them boxes if they need them, and do "go backs" (take back things people don't want). It doesn't sound that exciting, but after being in the deli for so long, it feels like I've finally broken free. :) No more hair net, hat, smelly clothes, and greasy shoes! On Friday I had a pretty interesting situation at work...one of the Costco members lost her debit card. She was freaking out like no one I've seen before...all worried that someone was going to "wipe her account clean". I sensed her panic and I felt sorry for her. I offered to walk with her as she traced her steps around the warehouse. We didn't find it after the first search. Thankfully someone had turned the card in to the managers, so when I checked with them I was able to give the woman her card back. She was so happy she just about started crying. She was like "Oh my gosh...I'm so relieved! Thank you thank you thank you! Someone could have taken all my money!" And then we noticed this woman standing near us. She said, "Are you the one that lost that debit card? I found it on the ground over there." The woman who lost the card immediately hugged the woman who found it. She just kept saying "Bless you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" It was really strange (and also really touching) to see two complete strangers hugging eachother. And I was really happy that that woman turned the card in. Not everyone does that, so it's always nice to see someone who's honest. I was really happy that both of those women went home in a good mood. :)

I hope you all had a nice weekend. I'm looking forward to this week...it's going to be busy, but I'm excited to see how God works. I've just started reading Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer, so look for an update about that soon! :) God bless!

The Pursuit of God

I just finished the book I was reading, The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer, and it was so so wonderful. After thinking about how I wanted to share what I learned with you all, I have decided that since there are 10 chapters, I will share one or two things I learned from each chapter.

Chapter 1: Following Hard After God
- "God is a Person, and in the deep of His mighty nature He thinks, wills, enjoys, feels, loves, desires, and suffers as any other person may." I don't usually think of God this way...as a person like me. Sometimes I get caught up in the idea that He's just this big guy up in the sky who tells me how to live my life. That is absolutely not true! I am made in His image...which means all those characteristics I have (thinking, enjoying, feeling, loving, desiring, suffering...) are characteristics of HIM! What a wonderful realization. :)
- "We need not fear that in seeking God only we may narrow our lives or restrict the motions of our expanding hearts. The opposite is true. [...] The man who has God for his treasure has all things in One." I think sometimes I convince myself that if I give my life to God, I'll lose something (or many things) from this world. God says the exact opposite...if I give my life to Him and let Him be my treasure, I will actually gain all things. I'll only lose the things that weren't important in the first place. :)

Chapter 2: The Blessedness of Possessing Nothing
- "Sin has introduced complications and has made those very gifts of God a potential source of ruin to the soul." This chapter talks about how God created many useful and pleasant things for us, but how these things are meant to be external to us. This means that we are not to let these things take over our hearts. Reading this, I consider how much time I spend on Facebook, or how I use my time in ways that do not glorify God. And then I repent.

Chapter 3: Removing the Veil
- "He is omniscient, which means that He knows in one free and effortless act all matter, all spirit, all relationships, all events." Wow. If that's not extremely humbling, I don't know what is. What stands out to me the most, other than the fact that God knows all those things, is that He knows in one free and effortless act. Whew! What do I have to worry about? He's pretty much amazing. Yup.
- "All our lives long we might talk of Jesus, and yet we should never come to an end of the sweet things that might be said of Him." This just makes me smile. The fact that God is just so sweet that we'll never run out of things to say about Him...awesome. :)

Chapter 4: Aprehending God
- "Imagination is not faith. The two are not only different from, but stand in sharp opposition to, each other. Imagination projects unreal images out of the mind and seeks to attach reality to them. Faith creates nothing; it simply reckons upon that which is already there." I found this really interesting, because it just goes to say that what we believe is not just something we make up. It is pondering and believing in what is already here.

Chapter 5: The Universal Presence
- "If we co-operate with Him in loving obedience God will manifest Himself to us, and that manifestation will be the difference between a nominal Christian life and a life radiant with the light of His face." Mmmm...I want that second life. :)

Chapter 6: The Speaking Voice
- "The believing man does not claim to understand. He falls to his knees and whispers, 'God.' The man of the earth kneels also, but not to worship. He kneels to examine, to search, to find the cause and the how of things." This makes me realize how often I can be the man (or woman, really) of the earth. How many times do I try to figure things out for myself, rather than just praising God? :/
- "I think a new world will arise out of the religious mists when we approach our Bible with the idea that it is not only a book which was once spoken, but a book which is now speaking." I don't have much to say about this, other than that I completely agree, and I like that he says 'religious mists'.

Chapter 7: The Gaze of the Soul
- "As long as Christ sits on the mediatorial throne, every day is a good day and all days are days of salvation." Read that again. I just did, and I was once again reminded that I can have a good day every day if I just keep God on the throne. :) Now, if that were only as easy to do as it is to say...

Chapter 8: Restoring the Creator-Creature Relation
- "Some of the most rapturous moments we know will be those we spend in reverent admiration of the Godhead." The definition of rapturous is this: "full of, feeling, or manifesting ecstatic joy or delight." Need I say more?
- "Millions call themselves by His Name, it is true, and pay some token respect to Him, but a simple test will show how little He is really honored among them. [...] However the man may protest, the proof is in the choices he makes day after day throughout his life." Reading this, I wonder just what my choices prove. Where is God placed among other things in my life?

Chapter 9: Meekness and Rest
- "Pride, arrogance, resentfulness, evil imaginings, malice, greed: these are the sources of more human pain than all the diseases that ever afflicted mortal flesh." This just really teaches me that sin does have a really negative impact on our lives. And not just our spiritual lives, but our physical lives as well.
- "The burden borne by mankind is a heavy and crushing thing. [...] Rest is simply release from that burden." Tozer goes on to examine this burden that we carry...he explains that it attacks our heart and mind. He says that we carry the burden of, among others, pride (or self-love), and we can experience rest, or release from that burden, only through Christ Jesus. Good stuff.

Chapter 10: The Sacrament of Living
- "One of the greatest hindrances to internal peace which the Christian encounters is the common habit of dividing our lives into two areas, the sacred and the secular. [...] Our inner lives tend to break up so that we live a divided instead of a unified life." This really gets me thinking...how much do I divide my life? I really strive to live this unified life, but I know sometimes I get caught in the trap of living a divided life.

Well I'm not going to keep you reading any more, because I know that was a lot. I was just really blessed by this book and I am happy for the opportunity to share it with you. Feel free to leave comments and let me know what you think. :) God bless!

Fly Away

I've been inspired to start blogging again. I blogged every day this past summer (http://140daysofsummer.blogspot.com/) and not only was it rewarding for my readers, but it was a wonderful place for me to record my experiences with God and others. I enjoy reading past blog posts on days when I'm feeling discouraged.

The inspiration for this blog comes from many things...songs, scriptures, experiences with my brothers and sisters in Christ, and just every day happenings. I can't wait to share with you all what God has been doing in my life lately. The title "All Around Me" comes from a song by one of my favorite female Christian artists, JJ Heller. The song is called Fly Away (Google "JJ Heller Fly Away" to listen to the song on iLike), and it's just such a happy, upbeat song about freedom in Christ. She sings, "Beauty all around me, drawing me to the sky. This is life, I can feel it. Bid my lonely days goodbye." Lately these words have really been ringing true in my heart. There really is beauty all around me...and I have only God to thank for that. Praise Him!